Rhannan

Know Me

10 posts in this topic

I wasn't sure I'd post this or not, I'm not entirely sure it makes sense to anyone but me. But I do want to share for some reason, think that's just my mood today because of the nice weather lol. I'm not sure it's finished either, this is just what came to me today.

***

Chaos and Order vie for control

Dominance of the one they call "Mistress"

Forever in turmoil forever in doubt

No peace for the one they call "Mistress"

I have walked in the shadows

I have walked in the light

I have danced in the darkness

And found the twilight

Every path has its faults

Every dream has its end

Their incomplete threnodies

Will never make amends

Caught between opposites

Struggling to be heard

My only gift and inheritance

Is wrapped in these words

Bind my body

And free my soul

Restricted conflicted

Longing for home

Chaos and order

I'm caught in between

Striving for balance

And peace within me

The truth that is subtle

Is the lie you don't mind

And the difference in people

Is the similar that binds

When thought is action

My will is divine

Won't question the feeling

This universe is mine

So lock me in heaven

Or drown me in hell

Nothing compares

To the pain I have felt

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I... think I understand what you're trying to express, partially because a lot of the stuff here is stuff we've spoken about. =)

I can't necessarily put it into words HOW I understand it as a whole; I just... UNDERSTAND... Heh... I think I finally fully understand how that instinctive understanding thing in our native tongue works now. x3

I can definitely put into words that I know where you're coming from with the part about missing home though... You and I both, sista... *sighs and hugs* We'll get there someday. Preferably sooner rather than later. =)

As a poem, however, this is absolutely beautiful... Touching~

~Melari

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Thanks, I'm glad you like it ^^ I kind of figured if anyone would understand, it'd be you, if only because of our conversations lol. I didn't even think about instinctive understanding. Glad to know it still works for us! We will be home one day, soon I hope, and I think a lot of things will make more sense then. ::hugs:: Don't you hate how you can understand something but then can't put into words how you understand it? I had that happen to me in college. One of my English theory courses I had to write a paper for, we needed to pick three different models of thought/theory to write in briefly and one of them was deconstructionalism. I wanted to do that one because it was difficult and seemed to really just match up with the way I was viewing a bunch of stuff. To be able to write with that particular theory you had to convince the teacher you understood it, and I was sitting there in his office trying to explain the theory to him the way I understood it to show him I got the idea behind it but it just....wasn't happening. Finally he was like it's ok I know you get it, go ahead. I was like yay! XD That was such an awesome class....I miss college days. Everything was so much simpler :(

~Rhannan

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I think I understand part of the message in it, but because I don't know you there's no way for me to understand how personal it is to you.

I enjoyed reading it though, it's good. :smile:

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I'd be willing to take a whack at it. I've spent the better part of the past few decades struggling with the same conundrum of taking complex spiritual and philosophical concepts and translating them into "3D Human English".

The first verse seems pretty unmistakably referencing the forces of duality and opposition vying for control of the planet ("Mistress") while she gets caught in the crossfire and we all suffer from the damage to the environment. It then goes on to explain how you've explored both opposite extremes and found merits and flaws in each, finally culminating in fining your own path ("twilight/balance") somewhere in the middle but also incorporating elements of both extremes simultaneously, which also helps maintain balance. (Believe me, finding balance by going to both extremes simultaneously is a big part of my own spiritual path, and it is a difficult concept to explain legibly to those whose world view is still rooted in duality.) Integration is key, rather than separation ("thought, action, will", mind/body/spirit), and embracing diversity rather than warring against it ("the difference in people is the similar that binds"). Come from a place of inner peace, and radiate that in the way you express that to others. The last verse emphasizes a very important point to me, that when your internal world is tended to, you are less likely to be hurt by anything external. It doesn't matter if you're in heaven or hell, because you already know that you've overcome so much to get to where you are, you've got that pain as a reference point and as long as you hold that in your awareness everything else that could potentially harm you gets the volume turned down.

How's that sound?

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*trying to recall everything from when I wrote this*

The "Mistress" is not the planet. This has nothing to do with the environment or anything external really except for my life and how I interact with other people. My driving thought with this would be that I have felt tied to both Chaos and Order, and sometimes the one that has the strongest pull for me changes. Think of it like a reflection. In one form I am all white, in the other all black. Say I am in my black form, so the white would be my reflection. Sometimes it's as if the form that I am in falls or steps into the reflecting surface, and the other comes out. Neither seems to be the "real" or "original" one though at this point, and the constant changing and rearranging and new/conflicting information often leaves me confused and doubtful of anything and everything that I receive.

On the differences and similarities bit, it's something that interests me and makes me chuckle ironically to myself. Society strives to make everyone alike and highlight how we're the same. There's a long history in humanity of casting off and fearing, to the point of destroying, anything that's different. But the ironic thing is that our differences are what bring us together, what make us so similar, what make us stronger. You can always count on no two people being EXACTLY the same, even identical twins will have differences. And I'm not just talking about physical differences, I mean spiritual, psychological, etc. And as for subtle truths and lies that people don't mind...how to translate it.... I've often found that people prefer the deception of being "the same" or of not believing in something. I've found that most people, even kin, can't accept certain other kin types and will dismiss and/or ostracize those who don't fit into their little boxes. I can't put into words what exactly I mean with this one honestly, it's been some time since I wrote and posted this.

Shadows and light have to do partly with the Chaos and Order dilemma, but also have to do with changes and moods I've been through, some of them being periods of deep depression. I have also been quite happy. The last verse really is a stab at my Christian upbringing. It doesn't matter where someone says I'm going to end up, both seem like prisons and neither one is appealing. As I've grown and encountered different things in my life, I've come to feel that, if there is a heaven and a hell, you make your own place there. My idea of paradise has nothing to do with a city made of gold and jewels (and I read over Revelations many times, something about it fascinated me), and I'm not so sure a lake of fire is all that horrific either. Everyone has a different idea of what is paradise and what is torture so it can't be set as one specific thing. Honestly, a lake of fire is no threat to a pyromaniac, that would probably be more like a dream come true and one would probably be inclined to ask if a waterfall of fire came with the deal. (Which sounds pretty freaking awesome tbh.)

I have been through mental and emotional hell, of my own sort and often my own making. I find myself torn between, not extremes, but decidedly different forces that may or may not be the real me. I've been told before I am rather chaotic but I also seem to hold a great deal of light. At my core, though it is only known to me in bits and pieces, I know that I am objective and often uncaring as a general rule, but those who have my favour I tend to be quite generous with and often fiercely protective of. In the second-to-last verse, my meaning more is in the sense of doing something. A better way to say this would be...I tend to over-think things. But when I am asleep and anything happens to me, I have no issues. There is no thinking, I just do. My will is my law and my thoughts become my actions in a seamless transition that I am unaware of even when I wake up and think it over. When I am dreaming I don't question what comes to me, and sometimes when I meditate, if something is strong enough and obvious, I won't question it either. It's usually when the feeling fades or I wake up that I start to question was it real or is it true.

At this point I feel like I'm rambling and I need to pull back. My mind is really elsewhere (ie the fact that I'm hungry), so I'm not sure I've adequately or even accurately explained. But then poetry isn't really meant to be explained. It's meant to be experienced and each piece left open to interpretation by the reader and then drawn together in one overall expression that resonates in some way with whomever is experiencing it. Mm....kind of miss English Theory at university now.

Another poem I have up here, "The Praying Cat", is also a self-expression of mine, written before I really began my awakening. I found it interesting to go back and read it later, only to find that much of it seems to reflect parts of my inner identity that I hadn't yet been aware of. But now it's time to go get some food! Hope that answered your "how's that sound"! XD

~Rhannan

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Ah, so the "Mistress" is more a metaphor for the internal landscape. Makes sense. Again it reflects a lot of beliefs similar to my own. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it yet here. I don't think so, but I apologize if I'm repeating myself. In my observation, there are two primary advantages that humanity has going for them which are, according to many perspectives, somewhat contradictory, though I disagree. They are community and diversity. It's my feeling that over the past few millenia community has been emphasized to the exclusion of diversity, and this has been causing humanity's natural ability to evolve and adapt to a variety of circumstances to wane. A certain level of stability is healthy. We crave familiarity. But we also crave new experiences, new information. When familiarity is prized to the exclusion of learning, that breeds complacency, which is unhealthy. It's my feeling that the familiar forms a foundation upon which to build, a context in which to incorporate new information and experiences. One thing that causes difficulties is that so many people's sense of familiarity is rooted in the external, because they are not familiar with the internal. By becoming intimately acquainted with ourselves, by finding familiarity in our internal world, our core sense of self, we are then free to see the external as a source of new experiences rather than struggling to wrench some semblance of unchanging continuity from the ever changing realm of physicality. Sorry if that was too much rambling. I do have a tendency towards wordiness, especially if it's a topic of interest for me, which these types of questions of sense of self and our place in the greater whole are.

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I'm limited on time so I can't reply to everything (have to be up rather early in the morning for work), but I will take the time to reply to the first bit. "Mistress" is not a metaphor, I'm using it rather literally for myself as a whole, not for my internal arena. The opposing forces within me belong to me, though I'll admit that at times they have felt foreign. I don't know how to describe it right now so I won't try when I'm already tired on top of having taken something so that I can get to sleep quickly. Perhaps tomorrow?

~Rhannan

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I'm not trying to rush you. I know you said recently that you've got a busy schedule right now and that's totally cool. But I did want to give a heads up that I am interested in your continued analysis in case you're waiting on a reply or trying to avoid double posting.

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Yea....I was off for the past two days but I was a tad distracted with running about XD I've not given much more thought to it but I will soon. My coming days off promise to be fairly boring at the moment.....

~Rhannan

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